Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last With Online Dating?

Why Do Nice Guys Finish Last?

We've talked about the big complaint from female RightSwipers that men on dating sites are only after one thing. So, let's discuss the big one from the males, that women don't give nice guys a chance.

The truth is, deep down, women who are looking for a serious long-term relationship do want a nice guy. They want a man who treats them with respect and has a kind heart.

The problem is, that these guys often lack the peacock feathers that women are genetically programmed to find attractive.

Nothing! And I really do mean nothing, is more appealing to a woman than confidence in a man.

The problem is, to a nice guy, demonstrating confidence can sometimes feel disrespectful, and women often mistake the arrogance of the bad boy type as a positive trait.

By the time women get into their 30's, many have already fallen for and had their hearts broken by the bad boy type. They have discovered all the sexiness of their 'don't give a shit' attitude is not compensation for how miserable it becomes trying to stay in a relationship with these douchbags.

Here are five pointers for the guys on how to avoid being the nice guy that always finishes last:

1. Staring

Breaking news: women also have peripheral vision as well as us guys. The beautiful woman who has just caused a thunderbolt to crash down from the sky and render you a gibbering wreck is acutely aware of you staring at her… and she doesn't like it one bit!

High value women are constantly being gawked at by men. They are seen by her as nothing more than low-value cavemen. If you fall into this category early on, you are going to have to work extremely hard to get out of it.

The no-staring rule also applies on first dates. There is perhaps nothing more repulsive to a woman than to feel that the gorilla sitting opposite her is mentally undressing her. My wife, Daniela tells me that she has been on lots of dates like this in the past. If you want to know just how much women hate this lechery, you should see Daniela's face when she recalls one of these nightmare dates from her past. Her nose wrinkles as she tells the story. Any good body language expert will tell you straight, this facial expression is one of pure disgust.

The moment a woman feels such a negative emotion as disgust while in your presence, the date is over. Sure, she may politely go through the motions for anything up to an hour after, but everything you do from this point on is a waste of time. It's a bit like how the Titanic remained afloat for a good hour or so after it hit the iceberg. It didn't mean it had any chance of surviving the collision. It was all over the moment the iceberg hit.

Make eye contact and hold it, but for no more than a few seconds or you are going to come across a bit creepy. The secret is to look deep into her eyes while she is speaking, and just before it becomes too intense, look off to the side. Avoid breaking the gaze by looking up or down as both these directions can have a negative subliminal meaning.

2. Failing to be a man

Yes, all women ultimately want to end up with a nice, loving and valuable man. She will love that you are sensitive and kind, but that doesn't mean she wants you to be female. The dominant, powerful, and decisive elements of male behaviour are very attractive to a woman. No matter what she says, she expects you to take the lead. It should be your decision where the first date is going to take place, you will specify the time and location and you will decide when the date starts and ends.

Nice guys find it hard to say no to women. Especially women they are attracted to. But thinking about it! What's the worst that can happen? She has already agreed to the date, it's unlikely she is going to have a tantrum and demand that it's her way or the highway.

3. Failing to own territory.

When nice guys are in front of high-value women, they can get a little timid. Their body language tends to shrink us down. This is especially true when they are approaching a woman they are attracted to.

The problem is, by trying to protect ourselves from embarrassment, we are actually increasing the likelihood that's exactly what will happen. If you go into a date with weak energy, you will likely get a weak, apathetic response from the woman.

Remember, you are the male animal in this ritual dance. You are in control, and you should be leading everything about the interaction. Go in with high energy, and be proud of who you are.

Don't feel intimidated by the suggestion that we listen to our animal instincts. Because that is exactly what we are: intelligent, evolved animals. Unless you voted for Brexit, then it's probably up for debate.

Seriously, in the animal kingdom – watch how the male of a species behaves when he is trying to attract a mate. They take up as much space as possible and adopt a regal swagger that says 'I am the king, you won't get higher on the totem pole that me baby'. Adopt the same animal mind-set. Dominate the space you occupy and be proud of yourself.

4. Asking instead of telling

Nice guys have generally been brought up well and taught manners. While this is going to work in your favor in the long run, it's going to create obstacles in the initial attraction phase.

A lot of guys will jump into Hugh Grant mode when talking to a beautiful woman and bumble about asking 'if erm there is any chance that erm I could erm get your phone number. No problem if you don't want to though'?

Never ask a woman for her number. You are the one making the choice, not her (this should at least be your mentality). Once you have decided that you want her, then that's it. So, instead of 'do you think I could get your number'? Instead, look her in the eye, hold the eye contact a second and smile before saying, 'I want to get to know you better. Give me your number and I will text you later tonight'.

This statement is a lot more potent than it first appears. You are firstly stating loud and clear 'I want you'. This in itself is a desirable and confident position for a man to be in. Secondly, you are not asking her permission. You are stating your need with self-assurance and confidence. Of course, she can decline but that’s not your loss, it’s hers.

5. Failing to demonstrate high value.

You are a high-value male. This means you are always busy and you are always in high demand. You demonstrate this by ending the phone call and always being the one that has to dash off somewhere and bring the date to a close. Also, if she contacts you out of the blue and asks what you are up to… it's is never 'playing on the Xbox' or 'scratching my ass'. You are always having a crazy busy day, doing amazing things and loving life.